Although Lady Gaga appears to be the epitome of confidence with her assortment of outrageous, barely there outfits and boffo live performances in front of sell out crowds, the superstar shows she is just like everyone else in many respects in her HBO documentary – Lady Gaga Presents the Monster Ball Tour: At Madison Square Garden
Gaga showed a softer side and let her insecurities come to the surface during a revealing clip from a forthcoming HBO documentary about her US Monster Ball tour.
The 25-year-old singer is filmed in her dressing room, where she breaks down in tears while talking about her fame and her fans, who she refers to as her Little Monsters.
In the preview Gaga, who is Stefani Germanotta, is seen preparing for a show at Madison Square Garden in New York. She explains how she felt wound up on her way to the show and the responsibility she feels for her loyal army of fans.
Gaga says: ‘I still sometimes feel like a loser kid in high school and I just have to pick myself up and tell myself that I’m a superstar every morning so that I can get through this day and be for my fans what they need for me to be.’ ‘But sometimes I still feel like people are trying to destroy me. I cannot be destroyed, I will not be destroyed and you will never destroy the kingdom that is my fans.’ ‘I’m fighting for every kid that’s like me, that felt like I felt and feels like I still feel.’
‘It hurts when I know how much authenticity and how much genuine blood is in my spirit and how much I feel like people don’t know that… cos they see wigs and lipstick and they shut down, cos they don’t understand.’
‘I just wanna be a queen for them and sometimes I don’t feel like one. It’s not about being a winner for me anymore. It’s about being a winner for all of them.’
She then bows her head in prayer, asking God for courage before she hits the stage in New York.’Gaga says: ‘Please give me strength to be a winner for all of them and not myself… Please help me to be strong and know my own strength. Please help me to be brave, Lord. Dear God, give me courage. Do not let me give in to my own insecurities.’
Last month Gaga revealed that the bullying she endured as a schoolgirl will never leave her.
In an interview with Google, she said: ‘I say this with so much genuineness in my heart: Bullying stays with you your whole life: I was never the winner, I was always the loser, and that still stays with me.’
Gaga revealed that those same school bullies now ask her for tickets to her shows but she’s never tempted to get even.
‘There’s been lots of concert ticket requests. I think one of the most awkward things anyone ever said to me was, “Well, my my, how the tables have turned.”‘ ‘To be honest, I don’t have that kind of vengeful spirit and I never did.’
Gaga previously admitted that she was teased at school for being ugly. She told Cosmopolitan magazine: ‘School bullies called me fat and laughed at my appearance. ‘I had a very big nose, very curly brown hair and I was overweight. I got made fun of.’
She also told The Independent that she had to suppress her creativity during high school because she was being bullied.
‘Right now the only thing that I am concerned with in my life is being an artist … I had to suppress it for so many years in high school because I was made fun of but now I’m completely insulated in my box of insanity and I can do whatever I like.’
