Christmastime doesn’t usually start for me until I come across the gag-inducing Kardashian Family Christmas card, but this year I may have come across a new celebrity family card that will ring in the holiday season in a new, glorious way — and it involves a whole lota Honey Boo Boo child and Shannon family redneck-awesomeness.
The Kardashian Kard is over-the-top as always and perfectly captures the sparkly, commercial touch of momanger Kris Jenner, always looking to push, push, push the Kardashian brand down pop culture’s throat. They forget to send me a card every year, and this makes me one very sad gossip blogger. It could be because I don’t have an ounce of fame in my bones, or it could be because they do not like gingers, or it could be because they know I am a brutally honest Christmas Card Critic who despises the use of confetti for anything other than birthday parties. There really are just many possibilities, and I will never know why they don’t love me with all their photoshopped hearts.
Kardashian clan’s Kristmas Kard (photo below):
#1: The lack of color makes me ill. You are all dressed in white, when you all should be dressed in some freakin’ red and green! Perhaps you are trying to perpetuate the idea of wintertime, or even the New Year with your several glasses of bubbly, but I could really use a POP POP POP of color. Somewhere. Anywhere. Because, in order for me to view this wunnerful card in its current state, I require sun glasses and my migraine medication.
#2: Scott Disick in the front. Well, that pose is just too much for me. He gotta go.
#3: The amount of confetti raining down upon your glorious figures is simply terrifying. It does resemble snow, and for that I give you 2 out of 5 creativity points; however, the sheer amount of things falling from the sky makes me anxious, as do the flamboyant please-please-oh-look-at-me poses.
#4: Kim Kardashian’s adorable Persian cat, Mercy. That part is good.
#5: Once again, the Photoshop skillz are impeccably and flawlessly executed. Half of the people couldn’t even make it to the shoot. Which means, some of those people were shot in a studio by themselves. Awkward much? Khloe Kardashian tells Ellen, “I have to be Photoshopped in. We pretend that we’re always together, [but it’s really] the power of cameras and Photoshop.”
Honey Boo Boo Family Portrait (photo below):
#1: What. A. Delicious. Backdrop. I mean, c’mon, can we get any classier than snowflakes on a sentimental midnight blue background? I just don’t think so.
#2: A chunky baby. That lil’ nugget just oozes cuteness. Good choice on the centerpiece, Shannon family.
#3: Honey Boo Boo’s fabulous neon green hair extensions? I mean, honestly, is there really anything better. Now, if everyone in the Kardashian clan took some advice from Boo Boo’s stylist . . . everything would be infinitely better.
#4: Their clothes. LOVE Mama Boo Boo’s tie dye feather shirt and the total lack of matchiness, as well as the total who-gives-a-crap-what-we-wear-in-our-family-photo attitude. Hats off to you, Shannons. You are great. You are inspirational.
Don’t get me wrong. The Honey Boo Boo family card is a disaster, but at least it is real and captures the warmheartedness a holiday card is supposed to capture. What do you think between these two cards? Click on the gallery to view the full photos, and then be sure to vote on your fave holiday card below!