Justin Bieber’s kissy face is all over the interwebs at the mo’, but before you rip your panties and scream like an emotional nun, it’s not really all that cutesy. The Biebs pouts into the camera like a drunken Teresa Giudice who had one too many Bloody Marys. His eyes are softened by the glow of clichéd sepia and “Omg, dude, I am so hot right now.” (Dude, you’re really not so hot right now, especially when you revert back to that serial killer/milk carton face.)
The rumour mill has been swirling with alleged Bieber/Gomez break-up questionnaires ever since the relationship hit the internet news links. The headlines have been outrageous and downright disturbing, including “Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez break up due to alien invasion”, “The real reason Selena broke up with Justin – She’s actually dead”, and our favourite of the bunch, “Monster baby found in Selena Gomez’ closet – When will Justin Bieber’s closet be opened?”
Unfortunately, none of these headlines are actually true, but most reports have bordered on these outlandish statements. The new Bieber kissy face has already been labeled as Bieber’s message in a bottle. No, no, no! Bieber is not sending Gomez clandestine messages like a nervous tarot card reader with paranoid Schizophrenia, nor is he attempting to send her to Splitsville with a Lego block and a broken laptop as consolation, he is merely trying to be hot.
We bet you a million William Shatners that these two actually have the most boring lives of the Hollywood bunch. We doubt they ever do much, except check Twitter all day and play Word with Friends on Facebook. Why do they have to be abnormally ridiculous? Then again, you have to understand that the Justin Bieber phenomenon is like getting into a hot bath tub – one moment you look like Tyra Banks smelling unicorn breath, and the next moment you’re sitting in your own filth, fingers and toes purple from lukewarm day sweat and Justin Bieber lyrics.
Photo Credit: Fame Pictures