Fifty Shades of Grey is everywhere. Justin Bieber is everywhere. Victoria’s Secret model Barbara Palvin is everywhere. What do these three have in common? Well, with the insane rumours flying about regarding Fifty Shades, one of these blind dodos might hit Bieber and Palvin smack bang in the middle of their friggin’ foreheads. It will be a sexual massacre.
According to Hope Carson over at Celebs Gather, “Seriously, although the Justin Bieber/Victoria’s Secret/50 Shades of Grey movie connection seems far-fetched, it might be true. Weirder things have happened. The whole 50 Shades of Grey global phenomenon is one of them. Of course, just how Justin Bieber would reconcile his squeaky clean teen idol image with a character as dark and perverted as Christian Grey would be a daunting task. However, when there’s enough profit at stake, the big money players usually have a way of working things out.”
Oh, Hope, how hopeful are we that this becomes true! Not because we’re Beliebers with a strange Bieber fascination, but because watching Bieber on the silver screen as a sexual force to be reckoned with will be one of the funniest moments of our lives. Seriously, we’d vomit little people for the next year. This might sound like a farfetched saga made in unicorn heaven, but it isn’t that farfetched, really! We’re not losing our sanity from watching too much Dancing with the Stars!
Let’s play a game of “Degrees of Separation”, shall we? According to a source at a currently unknown publication, “…the Biebs was in London about the same time E.L. James was there. Did secret meetings take place?” Uh-oh! Here we go, are your pen and pencils ready? Bieber is connected to Barbara Palvin, who is a Victoria’s Secret supermodel. Palvin, in turn, is connected to Fifty Shades of Grey through an upcoming VS Fifty Shades fashion line. And yes, that’s about it. The game ends there, no passing go, no collecting a billion dollars, and no jail time.
This connection might sound like the neuron connections in the brain of an unborn guinea fowl, but trust us, our connections never lie. Yes, Bieber might be Christian Grey, but don’t blame us, you created him. Soon, very soon, we’ll be washing out our eyes with caustic soda.
Thank you world. Really, thank you.
Photo Credit: Fame/Flynet