December 31st is the end of the 2012 and perhaps the end to the last shred of sanity Kris Humphries had when it came to his estranged philandering wife Kim Kardashian. His hoops career is not going great – he’s going to be benched into 2013 from an abdominal injury and to top it off, he’s got to endure more public humiliation at the hands of his wife. You know, in some countries, she and Kanye West would be buried up to their necks while Kris and other villagers pummeled them with stones.
But lucky for Kim, she lives in good old America where it’s okay to ditch your hubby after 72 days and a glitzy TV wedding and take up with perhaps the most annoying rapper on the planet. When Kim blindsided Kris with divorce papers, he said, “I’m committed to this marriage and everything this covenant represents. I love my wife and am devastated to learn she filed for divorce. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make it work.” I’m guessing that the news that Kanye knocked her up has taken a little of the shine off his love for Kim.
Here’s how I’m hoping this pregnancy plays out. I envision the E! crew following Kimye around to all their gestational appointments, Ryan Seacrest announcing the sex of their baby from within her womb so he can interview the baby as it happens. Ryan’s small enough to fit in there. Then when the big day comes, the E! crew will cover the reactions of all 87 of the Kardashians and Kanye in the delivery room. Khloe Kardashian will be seen at the back of the room, drinking heavily and sobbing because she’s still barren. Rob Kardashian will be up front holding out a pair of baby angora anklets from his floundering sock line to shove on the baby as soon as it pops up.
Kanye will be down there, front and center, alternating telling Kim to breathe while monologing about how bad his life is. Then just as baby Kimye pops out of mommy Kim, Taylor Swift will run in the room and snatch the still gooey tot out of Kaney’s hand. She’ll pause just long enough to tell Kim that Beyonce did it better, before she runs off with the wailing child, back to her Kennedy compound to write a song about how she stole their baby.
If it plays out this way, Kris Humphries may be a little less devastated at the news that Kanye knocked up his wife. Unfortunately, only about half of what I’ve predicted will play out. If Kim was a decent human being (which clearly she is not) she will just give in and give Kris the annulment he wants. Actually, I don’t even think he wants an annulment – I think he wants to be happily married to the woman he fell in love with. But since that’s not an option and neither is time travel to eradicate the wedding altogether, Kim needs to be a decent person for once in her life and think beyond her hair and eyelash extensions and give Kris the annulment!
Photo Credit: FameFlynet