Here we go again, so grab your popcorn and kittens and watch how the scorned Selena Gomez becomes a She-Devil in disguise. On the 15th of December, Gomez once again broke up with Justin Bieber – nothing new there! – but now there’s rumours that Selena will head back into the used car market of relationships and dip her glitter-toes in Niall Horan’s pool. Yes, you heard right; Niall Horan, the One Direction kid who looks like that dude from The Bachelor.
Jelena – the collective portmanteau – dated like a boss. In fact, Bieber was Gomez’s one-and-only at one point in time. Unfortunately, due to the whirlpools of doubt and magnificent careers, Bieber and Gomez parted ways like an overweight lady parts ways with hamburgers and cholesterol. Now their lives contain open highways of romantic dinner dates and grand gestures. In this case, Horan’s blue eyes for Gomez and the entire Victoria’s Secret casting call for Justin Bieber.
If you’ve been living under a rock, you might not know that Gomez’s BFF, Taylor Swift, is dating Horan’s colleague and friend, Harry Styles. Also, Horan is one of Bieber’s BFF’s, so this tribe of dimwits is as interconnected as a family in a Wes Craven nightmare. (Everyone who is anyone is dating One Direction, so don’t think it’s weird!) If Jelena split on amicable terms, Bieber might even be able to join a future double date and make it an orgy of speculation!
Ultimately, this group of young and restless serial daters deserves to play the field like a baseball team on Viagra. The world is still their embryo, so they don’t have to settle down in a long-term relationship and come to terms with a permanent future – except for Taylor Swift; she really, really doesn’t need to fatten herself up on man-souls anymore.
Seriously, we’ve had enough.