The Great Twinkie Tragedy

The Great Twinkie Tragedy

Last week Hostess announced it was likely closing up shop and entrepreneurial eBay sellers have taken the opportunity to tap into buyers’ Hostess panic, selling boxes for 95 percent more than grocery stores. In one Food Emporium grocery store in New York City, Twinkies were sold out by 1:30 p.m. ET. Retailing there for $4.29 for a box of ten Twinkies, one eBay seller sold a box for $59.99. One Ebay user is offering a free Wii U with the purchase of a 10-pack of Twinkies. The starting price: $4,499.99. Or you can just buy it now for $4,999.99. The shipping is free.

Are you frickin kidding me!

First of all, I bet the overwhelming majority of you hadn’t had a Twinkie in months. Maybe years. But some kind of sick childhood grip made you take your ass to the store. You bought boxes. And you had to have a bite of that incredible cream-filled goodness. And you opened it up, took a bite and said,

Really? It always seemed so much better in my head.”

Yeah, so is that first hit of crack. Then after that it’s all chasing the first time. It’ll never feel like it did the first time. Get over it.

And that’s bad enough. But you people buying them on ebay? How dumb are you? A) They have a shelf life of 27 days. B) What are you gonna do? Keep em like Star Wars figures? I’m not even sure that’s sanitary.

You act like Twinkies are the backing for the US Dollar. “Yes, Mr. Jones. It is a vintage box of Twinkies circa 2012. The year of the Mayans. And you can have em as soon as you hand me that briefcase full of hundreds.” If you moved as fast to vote as you did to get Twinkies it might be a different country today.

And as for the guy selling the Twinkie on ebay for $4500 bucks; You are my hero! I pray someone buys that box of Twinkies. And the free shipping, bro….best close ever. Because that is EXACTLY the bonus it would take to close the complete frickin idiot that buys this.

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