Fifty Shades of Grey ushered in an unparalleled epoch of sexual liberation and sex popularity. E.L. James’ profound success as the author of the Fifty Shades trilogy made her one of the most sought after authors in the world, but Fifty Shades of Grey’s success as both a brand and a popular entity, didn’t stop there.
A heavily anticipated and over hyped film production of the trilogy is currently in the works, as well as a sex toy collection inspired by the brand’s success. On the 8th of April, 2013, US consumers will be able to dig into this niche collection and spice up their sex lives one toy at a time. According to the press release from Lovehoney, “[The] signature Goddess Silver Pleasure Balls, the Submit To Me First Time Bondage Kit and the Twitchy Palm Spanking Paddle [will be available for purchase]” If you’ve read the trilogy, you’ll notice that these “signature toys” are named after passages in the book, making this sex toy line a direct and official tie-in to the Fifty Shades brand. The press release concludes, “[The company] worked closely with E.L. James to make sure the stylish, high quality range perfectly recreates the items used by Ana and her billionaire lover Christian Grey.”
We cannot help but wonder how these sex toys will be sold to the public at large. Obviously, as with all novelty products, there has to be a direct method to expose the public to the product. Therefore, in true Celeb Dirty Laundry fashion, we put our bedazzled thinking caps on and solved this mathematical conundrum:
If Ian Somerhalder is chosen to play the role of Christian Grey, he could become a brand ambassador. Not only will drooling housewives the world over watch these ads, but they’ll also refer to their husbands (and/or wives) as “uninspiring creatures of the night”. It will be a sexual massacre, a crime passionnel, and a bloody good way to make your sex life as attractive as a Teletubby in Crocs.
So, we have to ask, where will you be on the 8th of April, 2013? Will you be drooling against a window at Burger King? Will you be sipping Vodka from a straw in your backyard? Will you be attending your weekly Sex Addicts Anonymous meeting and sing camp fire songs around burnt porn videos?
If you’ve answered yes to all of the above, you’re most probably the prime candidate for Fifty Shades’ debut sex toy line. (Good luck in the bedroom – you’re going to need it)
Photo Credit: FameFlynet