It is one hundred percent normal for an expecting mother and father to become paranoid. Hey, it’s even in the job description! I remember how paranoid I was when my four little kittens were born – it was so bad that I couldn’t leave the house out of fear that my kittens might end up alone and scared. Then again, I am not the most orthodox parent in the world. I am more like Prince William – not suffering from the “God Complex” here, but Prince William recently went plenty cray-cray over Duchess Kate Middleton’s rising bun in the royal oven.
Kate’s pregnancy has been well documented – if you don’t know what happened, you, sir, should be given a Lego block to play with in the naughty corner. So, it wasn’t a great, big surprise when Kate and William and the Royal gaggle recently traveled to Mustique – no, it’s not a call girl’s bottom – for a teeny weeny getaway. (Kate needed it and Camilla Parker-Bowles needed it too, but unfortunately they didn’t leave Horse Head behind).
According to Mike Walker for National Enquirer, “Kate was ecstatic about relaxing before the birth of her first child, but William became paranoid that she might contract some weird disease from bacteria in the local foods. So he brought along an extra security staffer, whose sole duty was to oversee and supervise kitchen staff – making sure all fruits, vegetables, fish, chicken, etc., were properly scrubbed.”
Wills even went so far as to fly in crates of bottled water from England, as the resort’s water wasn’t up to royal standard. Kate found it flattering that her husband was being all Beautiful Mind up in that joint, but when Kate wanted to relax and spend a night out at a local bistro with the rest of the family, William kicked his boots in the proverbial gravel and forced her to stay, as he had no control over how the food was being prepared. Obviously, as any normal pregnant woman would react, Kate flipped and burst into tears. William apologized, gave her a hug and all was well again in the Royal Family – until Camilla and her Schadenfreude attitude rocked up out of nowhere and laughed at the miserable Kate and paranoid William.
Remember, boys and girls, never go to Mustique – she’ll poison you.
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