The latest issue of Heat magazine takes the week’s hottest celebrity news and bakes muffins with it. The usual celebrity conundrums are placed on the cover page and exposed by the blinding light of an entertainment writer’s pen. This week, however, the scandals are scandalous.
Kim Kardashian appears in the front left corner looking like a bionic lesbian. According to Heat, Kim and Kanye West are in crisis after they cancelled their “babymoon” – a portmanteau devised by a delicious writer. They were already a couple with issues when they first met, so a nervous breakdown in Bali won’t really be the ultimate challenge they have to face. Kanye’s egotistical bitchiness, combined with Kim’s “God Complex”, is a mega-tsunami of personality clashes that will surely test these two horrors on a daily basis.
Enough of the Kardashians – they have more than enough airtime as is.
The rest of Heat magazine’s cover is dedicated to insane UK celebrities suffering from more personal issues than a mental health facility in Iraq. Posh Beckham pops up again looking as gaunt as ever (she eats a single Cheerio for breakfast – do you blame her?), while Tulisa – X-Factor UK’s ex-judge – explains how “embarrassed” she was after her axe from the show. Rihanna also features in the lower right corner and, as usual, the emphasis is placed on her return to Chris Brown – the man who beat her to a pulp not too long ago. According to Heat, Rihanna is “in pieces over Chris Brown backlash”. (It could have been worse – the tagline could have read “Rihanna is in pieces over Chris Brown whiplash”) We fail to understand how Rihanna is so comfortable with spending her time with him. He is, after all, an abuser without remorse. Only time will tell how long this faux-relationship will last.
For more celebrity news and scandals, pick up an issue of Heat magazine today while dressed in sexy, sexy Crocs. Be different, be daring, Hollywood’s worth it.
Image Credit: Heat Magazine