Kristen Stewart came to the Oscars with two unexpected accessories: crutches and a bruise on her arm. While the crutches were more visible [and allegedly caused by cuts on her feet due to glass], the Twittersphere burst into questions from worried Twi-hards about why Kristen was injured.
Conspiracy theories flew about why Kristen had the bruise, and also why her make-up artists didn’t cover it up with makeup. There’s a thing called concealer, you know? It was probably not ‘natural’ enough for Kristen, who ended up looking both unwashed and totally disinterested in the whole ceremony throughout the entire red carpet.
But back to the bruise – where did it come from? There are some truly hilarious explanations on the web, including getting into a bitch fight with tabloid nemesis Liberty Ross [who actually ended up at the post-Oscars Vanity Fair party], a rough sexy times with [insert any number of rumored lovers here], and preparing herself to go full method into her next role in ‘The Big Shoe’.
The most rational explanation is obviously that she also took a fall when she cut her foot on the glass, but Kristen refused to answer most questions about her injuries. In fact, she barely stopped by the red carpet at all, leading us to ask – is there more to these injury stories than meets the eye? I mean, it seriously takes 20 seconds tops to cover up bruises by makeup, so why didn’t she?
But of course, Kristen is too ‘artsy’ for makeup. Maybe she wanted to show the Academy that she, too, could go full method [much like Charlize Theron and Christian Bale] and win an Oscar someday. I mean, it’s gotta smart that Jennifer Lawrence, who is her age and joined the industry long after her, is managing to get all the accolades and critically acclaimed franchises when all she gets are the leftovers. She’s preparing us you guys – she’s going to come to her next red carpet with unwashed hair, bruises, AND pajamas. That’s how much Kristen Stewart doesn’t care.