Sookie is under Warlow with her big pretty ball of light focused on his head. She tells him to get off of her or die. Warlow tells her she doesn’t understand. Sookie tells him he is right she doesn’t understand why vampires lie to her and hunt her and terrorize her in her own home. (Sookie its just not vampires human men do that shit to). Warlow tells Sookie he loves her, she replies with a good old fashioned F you. Sookie ask him if he loved her why did he kill her parents.
Back at Bill’s Jessica is having the mother of all freak outs. (Maybe she heard she isn’t the baby vamp anymore, I’m pretty sure it those dead girls on the floor though). Bill is sitting on the couch looking around, like he has never seen or done some shit like that himself. Jessica crawls over to him, grabs him in a big old hug and tells how sorry she is and that she couldn’t help it, Bill tells her it will be alright ( and then says a word I just can’t make out, I rewound it like five times and still don’t know), he tells her it will be alright. One thing leads to,another and the next thing you know she is kissing him. Bill pulls away like she taste like a faerie (oh…..wait) Bill tells her she is high on faerie blood. Jessica tells him she is a monster and deserves to burn.
Back at Sookies Warlow is trying to explain to her that the night he killed her parents it was because they were trying to kill Sookie and that he saved her. Sookie is not having that and she nails him in the chest with her pretty ball of light. Bill feels it (of course he does). Jessica is all Bill please do not go into a coma on me again…lol. Bill sees flashes of someone’s life. He tells Jessica to go to her room and sleep it off. Then he vrooms out.
Sookie is watching Warlow heal from the smack she gave him. Warlow tells Sookie to let him explain. Sookie tells him no that he is a filthy f**king liar. Sookie tells him he isn’t his or anybody’s and that nine of them no shit about love. Bill choose to,show up,at that very moment. Sookie turns around. Sookie verbatim: oh great now you want to me to, I thought I was dead to,you Bill Compton. Bill verbatim: I didn’t come here for you, I came here for him. (The look on Sookie’s face is priceless), Warlow tells him if he is the Bill that has been harassing Sookie he had better leave before he kills him. Bill tells him he already has ( are we back on the Lillith Bill? Me thinks you are) Bill tells Warlow as his maker he is ordering him to leave. Bill commands him to go with him. Warlow follows Bill out the door.,Sookie looks on in confusion.
Andy shows up at Bills. Jessica sees him lets out a whimper and vrooms to the nearest hiding place. (Turns out it’s where she has a great view of Andy’s shock and disbelief. Andy sees three of his girls laying on the floor. Jessica vrooms away behind him. He jumps up,with his gun and heads towards the direction of the vroom. Andy still thinks it was Bill who did it. One of the girls gasp and he goes to her. Andy picks her up,and carries her out.
Tara vrooms to Eric in the sewer and tell her the vamp cops got Pam. Eric ask when, Tara tells him right now. Eric flies up out of the sewer and Tara follows. They see the vamp cops. Tara ask if he is sure about this, he pops his fangs so does Tara. They walk towards them.
Pam is being led through the camp and she sees different experiments being carried out. In one of the rooms there are to,vamps having sex. Pam wants to know what the scientific value of that is….lol.
Burell is in his room getting dressed to take Willa to the camp. Sarah is trying to convince him it’s for the best and that it will be ok. Sarah tells him that maybe they can have a baby of their own. All he has to do is marry her. Burell is like I am not having this conversation tonight tomorrow night or any night really. Sarah is so pissed. She informs him when a woman comes to you in black lingerie you unwrap her. Burell leaves any way.
Bill takes Warlow downstairs to where the Professor is (wonder if he noticed one of the girls was missing?) Warlow ask him who he is. Bill replies I’m Bill Compton. Warlow,ask him how it is he can command him. Bill explains Lillith is part of him. (Warlow hasthe exact same look in his face that I do every time Bill pulls Lillith out). Bill gives the whole Lillith is a part of him and guiding me speech. Understandably Warlow thinks he is full of crap and calls him on it. Bill tells him he commands him to resist the urge to kill him and stay with him. He vrooms behind him and grabs what looks to be a syringe and holds it to his neck.
Bill jumps into Warlows memories or something wonky like that because we are looking at the people and the world of 3500 BC. (I think I learned that vampiries walked the earth before Jesus on a episode of Buffy, there is absolutely nothing I’m going to learn from this). There is a pregnant woman walking around and a guy comes up to her and ask her how long, she smiles and tells him soon. It’s Warlow (I stand corrected, Ive learned that hair care products, shavers, nice clothes, and cologne really do make a difference). It’s night and he is putting water from a stream into some jugs. He senses some one standing behind him in the distance. It’s Lillith in all her naked fantastic glory. She vrooms up to him and rips his clothes off and they start doing the nasty, she proceeds to tell him he is the one that will save vampire kind. Lillith the jams her fangs in his neck. Then it gets really disturbing and Lillith turns into Bill. Speaking of Bill that syringe he stuck in Warlows neck is full of his blood.
Jason comes home and finds Sarah sitting on the steps of his house. Sarah tells Jason she is with a powerful man now. Jason says that’s good since Steve turned out to be a gay vampire (haha). Sarah tells Jason she wants to save his soul. Jason tells her my soul is good but thanks. She is pretty much there for a booty call. We all know what a idiot Jason is when it comes to that, so naturally they are banging two minutes later.
Andy carries s daughter into the police station lays her on a table unlocks a door and gets out some V. She drinks it and with in a few seconds she can talk.
Alcide is in a bar talking to a woman named Jenny. She is all up in his pants even though they are still on. Alcide is only interested in whether or not she has seen Sam and Nicole. Jenny hasn’t. Alcide walks away and attempts to talk to another guy, the guy isn’t really interested in what Alcide has to say. Surprisingly he doesn’t rip his throat out as he walks away. Jack is trying to be helpful but Alcide is not interested in anything he has to say (hmmmmm the I don’t give a f**k what you have to say must be going around). Jack says he gets it, that he was a shitty dad to Alcide. Jack ask Alcide if he is doing is trying to get Emma because its the right thing to door if he is just trying to impress that piece of ass he is with. Alcide grabs, and throws him down, he tells him to get out of his life, jack tells him he is going to need money to get back, Alcide makes it rain.
Back at Vamp Camp we see Eric with a black bag over his head. Tara has one on her head as well. Before they get split up Eric tells Tara to find Pam.
Jason wakes up to banging on his front door. He leaves Sarah upstairs on his bed. When he shuts the door Sarah wakes up. Jessica is at the door, still riding her faerie high. Jessica tells Jason she knows he hates her. Jason tells her he doesn’t. Jessica tells him she has done a unspeakable thing and she doesn’t know why God doesn’t strike her down, unless of course Bill is God. She then goes onto to tell him that when she was eating them she got turned on, which is apparently the really messed up part. Jessica ask Jason if he ever loved her. Jason tells her he did, it just got screwed up because of Hoyt. Jessica ask what he loved about her. Jason tells her everything but he loved her heart most of all. Jessica freaks out for a minute and decides that maybe Bill is the devil. Jason tells her that’s not possible. Then Sarah the real devil walks in. Jessica recognizes as the Steve Newlins ex wife. Sarah is not thrilled about that. Jason tells them to calm down. Jessica grabs Sarah and tells her that Jason was probably thinking about her the whole they were having sex. Sarah starts reciting the book of Mark. Jessica tells her she always hated that book. Sarah tells Jessica she is no longer welcome in the house and Jessica starts vrooming out against her will. Soon as she is out the door the vamp cops get her. Jason ask Sarah where they are taking her. Sarah tells him to the LAVTF. Sarah the proceeds to tell him that her body is a temple and he defiled it with his vampire loving pecker (there are no words).
Eric and some other vampires are put in a room and some balls are let out. Eric picks one up. So does a girl vampire. It’s some kind of game and in the end Eric is the one left standing. Next we see him in a blue jumpsuit entering a room full of other vampires.
Pam is with a shrink. He wants Pam to lay down. She doesn’t want to until he tells her where she is. He explains that she is in a research facility and she is there to be studied. If she doesn’t want to be studied there are guns pointed at her. He ask her again to please lay down. Pam does for a split second, but the she jumps up when she realizes she is in therapy. He tells her there is an incentive. She doesn’t care what the incentive is she isn’t going to talk about her feelings. She does offer to bang anybody and everybody he wants her to, like the vampires she saw behind the glass. He says no can do they are a level three and she is a level one, they are more interested in Pam intellectually. He tells they will remain there till,she engages in meaningful conversation.
She ask about the incentive. He tells her it is a person that is willing to let her feed off of them. If she refuses she can drink watered down True Blood. She agrees. He ask if she wants a male or a female. Pam says a female. A girl comes in. Pam lays down and says first question please. He ask her what value she puts on human life. She tells him none. That humans or insignificant. He tells her very good. Pam is allowed to feed.
We are at Merlotts Lafayette is sitting behind the bar and Sookie comes in. Lafayette ask what she is doing there. She starts to explain the situation to Lafayette. He takes a shot. Next they are in Sam’s office talking and she ask Lafayette to help her get back to the truth. LaFayette is all in.
Terry is sitting at a table in the bar with some guy drinking coffee and talking. The guy wants to know what Terry wants. The guys name is Justin and Terry wants him to kill him. He tells Justin he killed Patrick last week. (Damn a lot happens in this town in a week). Justin tells him he will do it. Terry thanks him and tells him to give him a few days to get his affairs in order and then it’s up to Justin. Terry doesn’t want to know when it’s coming.
Andy is sitting at home watching his daughter sleep. Holly is with him, Andy knows it was Jessica. Holly can’t believe Jessica would do that. Andy wants to kill Bill. Holly tells him he can’t because if Bill kills him then his daughter has no one. Andy starts to cry. Holly tells him she is going to help him get through it and hugs him.
Sam wakes up to Nicole getting dressed. Sam ask her if she is okay. Nicole tells him yes. He apologizes for last night and then tells her he had a lot to drink. Sam ask again if she is okay. Nicole says she is fine, she wanted to know what life as a shifter was like and now she does. Sam tells her he is going to find them a way out of this. Nicole isn’t buying it, but before they can talk more Emma wakes up.
Jessica walks into a room in the prison full of women and spots Tara. Jessica runs to her and hugs her. Jessica ask where they are and Tara says hell. Jessica starts crying and tells Tara Steve Newlins ex told her she was going to hell and that she is a demon whore. Tara ask her what is wrong. Jessica tells her she ate four faerie girls last night and that she is f**ked up. Tara helps her get up to move. They walk to another side of the room. Jessica ask Tara if she believes in the devil. Tara tells her no but that her momma sure did. That her momma saw the devil in everything. Jessica ask her if the hunger inside of her will ever go away. Tara tells her no.
Pam is still answering questions. Pam tells him that some of his worries are unfounded. That when she kills another vampire she isn’t remorseful. He ask Pam about her maker. Pam says it doesn’t matter because hers released her. He asked Pam how it felt. Pam tells him she didn’t feel anything. That it hurt for awhile but she moved past it. He says he doesn’t believe her.
Nicole is standing outside using a pay phone(they still make those?) She was calling her parents. Sam runs out and hangs up the phone. They start arguing. Jack comes out of a upstairs room and sees them ( what are the odds?)
It’s feeding time in vamp camp and Jessica is not hungry and offers hers to Tara. Some of the other girls get jealous and are about to attack for it. Nora tells them to stop. She ask Jessica what’s wrong with her, Tara tells her she is fine. Nora then tells them they owe her now.
Willa is being laid who knows where, she sees Tara and tells the guard she knows her. Tara calls Willa. The guard tells Tara that the governors daughter is VIP. Willa’s guard tells her she is already making friends and he could be her friend too. He puts Willa in a room. He acts like a real sleaze to her.
Jason calls Sookie and gets her answering machine. Jason tells her he messed things up with Jessica and he wants to make it right. When he hangs up the phone he is heading into a LAVTF recruitment center.
Sookie is gathering things up in her house that will help Lafayette contact her parents from beyond the beyond. Lafayette tries to remind her that ignorance is bliss for a reason. Sookie is determined to find out what happened the night her parents died. Lafayette starts trying to contact them,at first he doesn’t get a response but then the wind starts blowing, candles go out, Lafayette says they are there. He tells Sookie she can talk to them. Sookie brings up Warlow and the fact that he is after her, then she ask if they tried to kill her.
Flashback: Warlow is talking to Sookie’s parents and is telling them that she belongs to him, that she has royal blood just like he does, and that her his ancestor John signed a contract stating that the first female of his clan would marry Warlow. Sookie’s father states that she isn’t going to be turned into a vampire because there is no such thing. Warlow pops his fangs, Warlow tells him that he will make her immortal and protect her. Warlow tells them when she is of age he will be back. Her dad is carrying a sleeping Sookie out to the car to kill her. He slams the back end and gets in the drivers side her mom jumps in next to him and they take off.
Sookie is sitting next to Lafayette. She tells her parents that they really were going to kill her. Lafayette sees her dad and tells Sookie. Sookie says all this time I thought you loved me but you were going to take my life. Her dad jumps in Lafayette (show of hands of those of you who think this is going to go badly). Her dad starts yelling at her telling her she is a liar, next thing you know she is bound and Lafayette is throwing her in his trunk.
Warlow is at Bills threatening to kill the Professor. More Warlow flashbacks after Lillith turned him. Warlow tells Bill he doesn’t believe in the prophecy. Bill ask him not to kill the Professor that they need him. Warlow says that Bill needs him. He tells Bill (Lillith) that he (she) should have stayed dead.
Sarah is leading Burell to a room and tells him that she has a surprise for him.
She takes him in a room and there is Steve Newlin is standing there. Burell sees Eric behind the glass and decides he wants to talk to him. Burell informs him that Willow came home. He ask if Eric knows anything about it. Erick replies with a F you. Burell says F you to Eric like five times. The last one is the one that gets Eric ( he finds out Burell put Willa in the camp as well). Eric tells Burell he didn’t, but Burell assures him that he did. Eric is upset at first, but then he gets pissed. Sarah tells them to cue the stake. Eric grabs it, he then tells Burell and tells him to give him something to kill and another door opens and there is Pam with a stake of her own. Neither one of them moves.
Lafayette gets out of his car, and Sookie opens the back by kicking it right into Lafayette’s head, she tries to get away but he grabs her, they are out in the woods. He takes her into the water and shoves her head under it.
Just for fun I thought I would count how many times the word F*** was used since it is in the title….at last count it was 45.
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