Over the last few months, we’ve all been exposed way too much to Miley Cyrus’ sassy tongue. We’ve seen it coated with slime, in places it shouldn’t be and never shut up in her mouth where it needs to be. Not only is she sliding down a giant version of her own oral appendage to start her show, but we’ve seen far too much of it on social media as well. Kind of leaves a bad taste in my mouth – and I can’t imagine what the taste in hers is like…
But now Miley has a rival in tactile tongue displays – uber-sexy and now uber-skinny Jessica Simpson has posted her own tongue selfie. The battle of the tongue selfies is on and we have to say, there’s an obvious clear winner when one candidate is so demonstrable sexy and the other is just, well, sad…
Earlier this week, Jessica posted a selfie of her and her equally sexy honey Eric Johnson and captioned it “Big hands I know you’re the one” and you can see his giant meat-hook on her neck as he prepares to pounce on Jessica’s protruding tongue.
There are major differences between Miley and Jess’s tongue pics – let’s see who rates higher.
Sheer size of tongue: Miley’s is longer than normal, but Jessica’s is not only long but thick. It’s like something from a Godzilla movie or the giraffe exhibit at the zoo yet still quite kissable. Score +1 for Jessica.
Cleanliness of tongue: Jessica’s tongue is healthy and pink, not too slimy. Miley’s first outing with obsequious tongue display showed her with a tongue coated in beige slime. Ick, just ick. Score +1 for Jessica.
Placement of tongue: In her selfie, Jessica’s tongue is headed for her hubby’s mouth. That’s an appropriate use of the appendage. Miley’s is constantly out and close to strippers and strangers alike. Score +1 for Jessica.
Hazards of tongue: Miley’s tongue is actually getting sued for being a hazard. A worker that was constructing the beastly tongue for her Bangerz concert was injured on the job. Score +1 for Miley because it’s kind of funny – not that the man got hurt, but that he got hurt by a giant tongue.
Geography of tongue: Last, there’s where the tongue selfie was taken. Jess’ looks to be in her yard, daylight, with her committed partner. Miley’s are usually in the dark, in strip clubs or home alone, just her and her tongue. Sad. Score +1 for Jessica.
That’s Jessica 4, Miley 1.
We beg you Miley, please reserve your tongue for special occasions. You don’t need to whip it out just because you can. It’s not like one of your dogs that needs a daily walk and fresh air. And to Jessica – good job showing just how cute and classy a tongue selfie can be.
Image Credit: Instagram