Rob Kardashian Getting Fat Sleeping With Prostitutes and Binge Drinking After Rita Ora

Rob Kardashian Getting Fat Sleeping With Prostitutes and Binge Drinking After Rita Ora

In the infinite shadows of the universe, there’s nothing that’s more terrifying and more out of control than a broken hearted Kardashian. The black sheep son of the Kardashian clan, Rob Kardashian, is exploding from the inside out after his horrid break up with UK singer Rita Ora.

The usual post-break-up clichés have been following Rob around like a bad flu. Late last year, Rob was introduced to the “friend zone” after Ora claimed that she never thought of them being in a “relationship” and/or as “boyfriend/girlfriend”. This defining moment gave birth to a spiraling, borderline nervous breakdown Kardashian. Not only did the least popular Kardashian start binge drinking, but he also found comfortable solace in a call girl. (Star magazine is currently in possession of texts between the call girl and Rob, and as we expected, these short messages are salacious and damning.)

A source revealed just how badly Rob is beaten up, “Rob is a complete mess. He drinks like a fish, starting in the afternoon and going all night long. Even worse, he’s hooking up with paid escorts, and his business is tanking.”  Even Kris Jenner and Khloe Kardashian tried to slap some sense into him after he partied with Lamar Odom at Hollywood’s Greystone Manor, but unfortunately, the stubborn Kardashian didn’t even blink an eye. As with all heart breaking events, Rob also took to the fridge and ate a small Kardashian – there’s no word on which Kardashian was eaten, but we suspect it was a piece of Bruce Jenner’s chin. This furious eating rampage not only helped Rob gain 40 pounds, but it also gave him the opportunity to look like a tiny little planet, in a tiny little solar system, in a tiny little galaxy.

This pity party for one, no invitations sent, is quite the spectacle. Hopefully Rob is able to pick up the pieces and move on with his life, because there’s really no time for being a drooling fool smelling like Tequila and sex.

(We’re still not sure where Bruce Jenner’s chin went, but we’ll keep you updated!)

 

3 responses to “Rob Kardashian Getting Fat Sleeping With Prostitutes and Binge Drinking After Rita Ora”

  1. Allie Shain says:

    Rob seems like such a loser to me.

  2. […] Rob Kardashian Getting Fat Sleeping With Prostitutes and Binge Drinking After Rita Ora In the infinite shadows of the universe, there’s… […]

  3. […] Jenner wants wayward son Rob Kardashian, the loser in the family of financial winners, to get his fat drunken butt to rehab! Rob has had a really rough few months. Back in December his girlfriend of a year, Rita […]