Rather than continuing to write stories every couple of months about Taylor Swift and whatever guy she’s breaking up with, I’m thinking of developing a template. Even though it’s Harry Styles this time, it could be anyone next time. Think of it as a Taylor Swift break up Mad Libs if you will. It is, after all, the same old story every time. She’s an inveterate heart breaker (or heart breakee) and this doesn’t seem likely to change. Since Taylor goes through a guy roughly every two months and then allowing for one month to find a new younger guy to fixate on, let’s say she’s generating at least four breakups per year at a minimum. This is exhausting for entertainment bloggers and completely unnecessary.
Here’s my concept, a sort of Taylor Swift Break-Up-Inator:
(1) Lover’s Name _________
(2) Where They Met _________
(3) When They Met + 63 days _________
(4) List Three Vacation Spots (a) __________ (b) __________ (c) __________
(5) Where He’s From ____________
(6) Pick His Career (Actor/Singer/Model) ____________
(7) Roll a Die (#1-6) _____
#1 = via text message
#2 = via voice mail
#3 = with a poorly written sonnet
#4 = by screaming it in her face
#5 = via sticky note
#6 = via a rude hand gesture
(8) Roll a Die (#1-6) _____
#1 = cheating by him
#2 = cheating by her
#3 = work commitments
#4 = family didn’t approve
#5 = moving too quickly
#6 =unwilling to commit
Okay and here’s the template we use:
Shocking the whole world today ____(3)____, it’s rumored that Taylor Swift and ____(1)____ have broken up just two months after they met in ____(2)____. The break up came after a whirlwind romance including trips to ____(4a)____ and ____(4b)____. The pair had just gone to meet his family in ____(5)____ where Taylor purchased a luxury estate just five miles from his family.
The country singer and hottie ____(6)____ broke up while on vacation in ____(4c)____. Sources close to the couple say ____(1)____ broke up with Taylor ____(7)____ because ____(8)____. Neither Taylor nor ____(1)____ would officially comment on the break up although Taylor posted a cryptic tweet that may or may not indicate they are so over and are never, ever, ever getting back together.
I think this is workable. This gives the flexibility for every happenstance in her way too active love life without inconveniencing those who cover her love life. Why should we exhaust ourselves when she’s such a predictable creature of habit. The follow up to this template story can mention the heart wrenching or bitchy song she’s written about him and what new celebrity each of them is moving on with.
So, in case you haven’t heard, Taylor Swift and what’s his name (Harry Styles from fab boy band One Direction) have called it quits surprising absolutely no one. I like the template concept. If we don’t implement it as an emergency measure, celebrity web-journalists like myself are facing years of repetitive torment and possibly carpal tunnel syndrome from her romantic failures. I’m saving my template for Taylor’s next relationship crash and burn which should be occurring in T minus 78 days (give or take)…
