Angry Patrick Rants About ‘Bidding For A Hot Date’

Angry Patrick Patick Rants About 'Bidding For A Date'

Angry Patrick is a member of the Celeb Dirty Laundry family.  Each week he bring his comedy show directly to us.  Without further ado….. take it away Patrick!  A new dating website has emerged called Whats Your Price.   The way it works is …let’s say you need a hot date but can’t get one. Well, you simply BID for a date with a hot chic. The site says, Our offer negotiating system will allow you to accept an offer, reject an offer, or counter with a different price.

When you do win and get your date, the website suggests paying at the beginning of the date and half at the end. It also tells the ladies not to take personal checks. Only cash. Are you frickin kidding me? Wow! So I can pay $200 to go out with a hottie? I’m so excited! This is just like prostitution except I probably won’t get laid! I definitely wanna drop a couple benjamins and end my night with a handshake! Maybe they could offer a layaway plan!  Can I put the punanni on layaway?

I just put $75 down on a hot piece of arse and boys….90 days from now….when I get that ooutta layaway….it’s gonna be a hell of a night. And if you do hit it off is that really the story you wanna tell your kids? How did you and mom meet? Well, son….I was the highest bidder! I slapped down a few Andrew Jackson’s and the next thing you know me and your mom were playing special wiener time and then you happened!  Sooo, mom was a hooker? No, no son! She was on WHAT’S YOUR PRICE.

Sooooo, then you were a loser? Ummm, well, yeah. I get it. Being seen with a hot chic is cool. But really, I don’t care if anyone sees me or not as long as me and the aforementioned mega-fox are rubbing nekked parts sometime after 11:30pm. And some of you guys are saying, but I can’t get a hottie otherwise. So, you rent a date and then your buddies never see her again are you gonna tell em you hit it and quit it? Riiiight….you quit on Scarlett Johansson.  Nope, all your buddies are gonna know you rented it and never even got the goods. Now you just look like a dumbass. Because, well, you are.

Patrick Beam aka Angry Patrick

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