On last night’s season premiere of AMERICAN HORROR STORY the episode opens and Fiona is in bed asleep. She is tossing and turning. Fiona wakes up. She gets some pills pops a few of them gets a glass and pours herself a drink. We get a flashback of sorts of Fiona when she was younger. Fiona wants to know when her mother realized she was the a Supreme. Fiona’s mother tells her a witch can only become a Supreme after she masters the seven wonders (and I don’t mean of the world), and has become a woman. Fiona tells her she is going to skip that nonsense and go straight to Supreme. Fiona’s mom tells her over her dead body. Fiona is happy to oblige and slits her mother’s throat. A butler was the only witness. Fiona is looking at a picture of her mother when the butler walks in. Fiona ask him if the cats got his tongue…which now explains why he never freaking says anything. Fiona is sitting in a bar she talks about sleeping with all kinds of men (even clowns…let your wiggins commence) she starts complaining about the fact she is getting older and her looks aren’t what they used to be. But she has a plan and it involves a plastic surgeon.
Zoe meanwhile is visiting with Kyle’s pot smoking, trash of a mother. Zoe is apologizing for what I imagine is probably the one billionth time. Kyle’s mom tells Zoe before she called she was on the verge of committing suicide.
Madison, Nan, and Queenie are watching their new neighbors move in. All three of their hearts go all a flutter when the son takes his shirt off. The mom notices the girls looking at her son and tells him to get in the house.
LaLaurie is watching the “magic box” also known as the TV. She has a mini heart attack when she finds out that our President is black. Fiona hears her and tells her she is the new maid at the school. Fiona even gives her a maids uniform. When LaLaurie is serving the food she gets into a altercation with Queenie. Fiona tells her she hates a racist and from now on LaLaurie is Queenie’s bitch (I mean slave).
Misty and Kyle are laying on her bed listening to Fleetwood Mac (per usual). Misty is singing a long and Kyle is laying there with his eyes closed. Misty looks at him very affectionately. Zoe shows up right when Misty gets nice and comfy with her head on his shoulder. Misty is excited to show her that she has healed Kyle, so much so that she hops on top of him and opens his shirt to reveal a mostly non scarred body. Zoe is amazed. Zoe ask Kyle if he remembers her and he reaches out a runs his hand through some of her hair. Zoe tells Misty she needs to take him home to his mom. Misty is extremely upset by this news. Misty starts to cry. Zoe promises to come back for her. Misty says she won’t and starts to cry, she grabs a shawl and starts spinning around and around to the Fleetwood Mac song.
Nan and Madison head next door with a cake as a welcome to the neighborhood gift. Madison is in a skimpy little blue dress (and she is uber skinny). Luke answers the door and immediately zones out Madison in favor of Nan. When he is cutting the cake his mother walks in and tells him they will be late for church. Madison makes a comment about how all of that is a crock of shit. She grabs the knife to cut the cake. Luke’s mom grabs her to stop her and the knife flies out of Madison’s hand and misses his mom by like inches. It sticks in the wall behind them. Luke’s mom tells them to get out. On the way out Madison finds out she is more like Carrie than she realized and manages to set the curtains on fire by simply thinking it.
Cordelia is at the doctors office. Cordelia’s doctor tells her that there is a problem. Fiona is getting the same news from her doctor. Both of them are having problems with their immune systems. Fiona can’t have the plastic surgery and Cordelia will never be able to get pregnant.
Zoe is taking Kyle to his mothers. You can literally see the look of fear and panic in his eyes. Unfortunately he can’t talk so he can’t tell Zoe he doesn’t want to be there. Zoe takes him and props him up against the door and rings the bell. She runs and hides. Kyle falls into the screen door. His mom opens the door and screams, them she hugs him. She starts dragging him inside. Kyle turns his head and looks at Zoe begging her not to leave him there with his eyes.
Fiona is sitting at a table twirling pills on it. Her liquor and glass are also present and ready for action. Fiona takes the pills. The butler brings in Luke’s mom. Her name is Joan. She explains that her and her son just moved in next door. Joan tells her about Nan and Madison coming to visit and how skanky Madison was dressed. Fiona is surprised by how much bible thumpers look down on sex. Joan tells her Madison threw a knife at her that missed her by only three inches. Fiona says she needs to work on her aim. Joan gets mad and tells her how Madison lit her curtains on fire. Fiona is surprised. Madison comes strolling in just to mock Luke’s mom. When Joan leaves Fiona decides to have a little chat with Madison. Fiona test her by asking her to light her cigarette. Madison does it. Fiona realizes that Madison is her competition for the top spot. (I personally think it’s more possible that it will be Zoe or Nan.)
Back at Kyle’s his mom knocks on his door and comes in. Kyle turns away from her and looks like he is zoning out. In the next few seconds I see why. It seems good old mom likes to pleasure herself by pleasuring her son. Just when you think this show can’t possibly top itself low and behold it offers this fucked up twisted scene. It made squirm and I said you ewwww at least ten times. How I wish Zoe hasn’t have made that phone call.
Cordelia heads out to see Miss Laveau. Cordelia wants her to perform a spell on her that will get her pregnant. Cordelia is denied because she is the daughter of Fiona.
Zoe finally shows up back at the school. She isn’t there for long. Kyle’s mom calls and tells her something is wrong with him. (I can’t even imagine what that something could be….ewwwww.) Zoe says she will be right there.
Madison is having breakfast with the devil (I mean Fiona). Madison tells her she isn’t going to apologize for whatever it is Fiona wants her too. Madison talks some smack about her mom. Fiona can relate she was equally a terrible mother. Fiona says she has a lot to teach. Madison buys what Fiona is selling. She gets Madison to convince some guy he is safer in the middle of the street. Madison does it. Fiona has a scheming look on her face.
Queenie tells LaLaurie she can make her a chicken pot pie for dinner and a peach cobbler for dessert. LaLaurie sees her old friend the Minotaur hanging around outside. Queenie ask her who she really is. LaLaurie tells Queenie her full name. Queenie flashes back to that day at her house. Queenie tells her if half of what they say about her is true she deserves what she gets. LaLaurie begs Queenie to hide with her. Queenie has another idea. Queenie cuts LaLauire with a knife and then soaks the blood into a rag and heads outside. When she comes up on the Minotaur she lures him with the bloody rag. Queenie gets him in a greenhouse. She tells him that neither one of them is a beast and that they both just want love. For the second time tonight this show has me thinking WTF? Queenie puts her hand under her skirt and starts masturbating. She then ask the Minotaur if he wants to love her. (Because if you can’t grab him by the horns you might as well grab him by the balls.) The Minotaur circles around her while she continues to get herself off. He stops behind her and then puts his hand over her face.
Kyle is rocking back in forth in his room. His mom comes in. Kyle’s mom informs him that Zoe is coming over for dinner. Then she makes for what passes as chit chat in her mind and tells him she knows she has been possessive and never meant for it to get this far. Then she tries to worm her way out of what she has subjected him to for who only knows how long by saying that they both needed it (ewwww). She turns and Kyle is right behind her. He looks pissed. She can’t control her sinister urge and starts kissing on him again. Kyle screams NO, grabs a trophy and beats her to death with it.
Madison and Fiona are playing pool. After what seems like hours of drinking (on Madison’s part, Fiona has been faking all along,) we see Fiona look at Madison but then she turns her into a image of herself as younger girl, the moment passes and she sees her as Madison again. Who by this point is falling down drunk. This is not going to end well for Madison.
Zoe is at Kyle’s. She rings the door bell and when no one answers she lets herself in. (These girls have really got problems with breaking and entering.) she roams around the house for a minute and then she comes upon Kyle’s dead mom. Her head is smashed in. Zoe turns and screams she she sees Kyle standing behind her covered in blood with the trophy in his hand. Sidebar: After everything this is what makes her scream? Really? This chick has killed a guy with her vagina and stitched up another one with various other body parts and brought him back to life. But a dead woman on the floor terrifies her. Unbelievable.
Zoe and Fiona are back at the school. Madison is completely fubar. Fiona takes this moment to inform Madison she is the next Supreme. Madison ask her how she knows. Fiona tells her because she is the old one and she is dying. Fiona has cancer. Fiona tells Madison how all she did with her power was dress it up in Chanel. Fiona tells Madison that she killed her mentor. Fiona takes out a switchblade and tells Madison to kill her, Madison can’t. Fiona kills Madison. (Because that’s what you get when you are completely unconvincing as a killer in a movie.) As Madison’s life literally is bleeding out of her Fiona tells the butler to “Bury her deep, God knows what all that s*** in her body will do to the lawn when it comes up in the spring.”
Fiona looks down at Madison and says “This coven doesn’t need a new Supreme. It needs a new rug.”
Emma Roberts will be back at some point. I looked at the IMDB and I found out she is in several more episodes this season.
If you cannot wait until next week’s episode we have sneak peek below for you!
