American Horror Story Season 3 Episode 5 Review – Spoilers Episode 6 “The Axeman Cometh”

American Horror Story Season 3 Episode 5 Review - Spoilers Episode 6 "The Axeman Cometh"

On episode 5 of AMERICAN HORROR STORY called, “Burn, Witch, Burn!”, Madame LaLaurie’s Mansion, Halloween night, 1833. A young gentleman has come to see one of LaLaurie’s daughters. LaLaurie decides he should be given a tour of her little shop of horrors. She has him stick his hand in a bowl full of balls, eyeballs that is. If that isn’t enough next up she has him dig into a bunch of stringy parts, intestines I believe is the word I’m looking for. He freaks out and leaves. Her daughters are not pleased with mommy dearest and discuss killing her. Sadly it’s not meant to be, during the night she throws her girls in the dungeon with her tortured slaves.

Back to the here and now and man is looking bleak. LaLaurie’s zombie daughters are leading the attack. Everyone is inside including the hottie next door. None of them know what they should do. LaLaurie is rambling about her damn bonfires and having the mother of all freak outs.

Cordelia walks out of the bathroom of the bar screaming. Fiona runs over to her asking her what happened, Fiona notices a hooded figure leaving the bar, she tells Cordelia to let her see. It’s not good, I’m talking skin melting and dripping not good. Fiona starts screaming right along with her she rushes her to the hospital. Fiona is sitting in the hospital anxiously waiting. Fiona opens her purse takes out a bottle of pills, thinks what the hell and downs them all. The doctor comes out and tells Fiona that Cordelia is now blind all thanks to whoever threw sulphuric acid in her face. Fiona unable to accept it starts attacking the doctor. Someone grabs her and she finally comes down. She sits back down.

Back at the school Zoe, Nan, the hottie, Queenie and LaLaurie are in disbelief. They watch as the zombies come towards them. Three of which stick together and happen to be LaLaurie’s girls. Queenie ask what they are, Nan tells her dead because she can’t hear them. Zoe panics pushes Queenie away from the window and closes the curtains. LaLaurie just sits down on the couch. Queenie stumbles to a chair. The hottie decides to grow a pair and attempt to end the zombie apocalypse in their front yard.

Laveau is back at the beauty parlor back room doing that voodoo that she do so well. Girl is literally floating high up in the air above her dead roosters and chalk drawings. Laveau has white eyes and she tells them to begin. Laveau has her zombies attacking trick or treaters. By attack I mean they rip them apart. They even take down the hottie next door by ramming a axe through his back. Nan sees this and freaks the fuck out. Zoe is screaming for Spalding who doesn’t appear to be anywhere. LaLaurie wants to go to her daughter’s. Zoe stops her before she does something crazy. Spalding finally shows up and Zoe tells,himmtom take the girls to,his room, he shakes his head no rather profusely. Zoe gets pissed and tells him to pick a room. Nan sees this distraction as her opportunity to head out to save the hottie. Zoe finally realizes Nan is gone puts two and two together and runs out to find her. Nan decides the best place for her and the hottie to hide is a car, because zombies can’t possibly break through glass. Nan explains to him that the zombies want them.

Fiona is hopped up on who knows what while keeping watch over her daughter in her hospital bed. Fiona apparently can hold more drugs than humanly possible and heads out looking for more. This hospital apparently can’t pay the electric Bill because the lights keep blinking. She finds the jackpot and when she sees the door is locked she does some bewitched magic and wiggles her nose and magically the door is now open. Fiona looks until she finds the good shit. Fiona downs them with her trusty brandy she brought along in a flask. She takes four more bottles for the road. Now this light blinking thing is just getting plain creepy. Speaking of creepy Fiona spots that hooded figure again. Fiona decides that a stroll through the hallways of the hospital is the perfect way to enjoy her high. She comes across a woman. The woman apparently had a little girl that was stillborn. Fiona picks her up and hands her to the woman. Fiona instructs her to hold her little girl close and always tell her that she loves her. Fiona’s guilt is abundantly clear and it’s heartbreaking. Fiona tells the woman to say “I’ll be your mother till the day you die”. Fiona gently touches the little girls head and just like that the woman’s daughter is alive and well. The mother holds her baby and cries.

Back over in the dumbest place you can hide during a zombie apocalypse Nan and the hottie get attacked by zombies who proceed to smash out the glass off their car. Zoe comes running up on the nick of time and bangs a pot. The noise gets the zombies attention and Zoe leads them away from the car. Once her mission is accomplished Zoe is unsure of what to do. Zoe opts to hide in the shed. Good thing the Minotaur isn’t in there.

Back at the house Queenie is feeling eight kinds of sick and looks like she might pass out. LaLaurie scolds her and tells her to stay put in bed. She heads down to get some ice and Queenie demands a coke. LaLaurie is actually getting the ice of of a ice tray when she hears a noise. She decides to investigate butcher knife in hand. She opens the door to one of her daughters. LaLaurie reaches out and touches her accepting she is the reason her daughter is back from the dead. It seems like her daughter is under control but in a blink her hand is around her throat and chocking the life out of her.

Meanwhile back at the shed Zoe is about to be a zombie snack. (Bet she wishing have hasn’t lost track of Kyle right about now.) She heads towards the back of the shed and sees something that makes her stop. Hopefully something useful.

Queenie tells Spalding he needs to go check on LaLaurie because she should have been back with her coke by now. Spalding giver her the stink eye and leaves to check. Almost as soon as he leaves the room she hears a noise and then a thud. Queenie gets out of bed and opens her door. She sees Spalding crawling and making little yelling sounds. The zombie turns around and heads after her. Queenie runs to her room and slams the door. The zombie breaks it down. Queenie stabs her with some scissors, she is still coming after her. Queenie breaks her mirror and slices her with a piece of the glass, she is still coming. Queenie is trapped in a corner….literally. LaLaurie stabs her daughter with a fireplace poker. She turns, looks at her mother and then falls dead.
LaLaurie tells Queenie that her daughter had a monster for a mother and this last act is the only kindness she ever did for her. Queenie holds her while she cries.

Back in what’s left of the car the hottie tells Nan he is bleeding out. Nan tells him he isn’t going to do any such thing because she isn’t going to let him. Nan jumps out of the car. She gets him out of the car, the zombies sensing movement and probably the smell,of blood and fear start coming after them. Nan is struggling to get him in the house. He falls and even though the zombies are merely shambling along they catch up to them rather quickly. It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s Super Zoe and she is wielding her chainsaw of power. She goes all kick ass and starts chopping zombies she has one left when her trusty weapon sputters out of gas. So she does the next best thing. She says something about nature and the zombie falls. Speaking of falling Laveau comes crashing down. When she gets up she tells the girl with her she doesn’t know what that was but that they have some real power in that witch house now. (So if I understand this Zoe can kill things with or without her vagina and Misty can bring them back to life. That is going to be one hell of a pair.) Zoe is sitting on the ground stunned at what she did and quite possibly what she has been through.

Fiona is back in Cordelia’s room when her serial cheating and killing husband shows up. Fiona makes it clear she want a him to crawl back under his rock and leave her daughter the hell alone. He clearly can’t take a hint. Fiona tells,him he has 15 minutes and after that he better disappear or she will make him. He sits down and takes her hand. She may not be able to see with her eyes but she can definitely see with her mind, and see she does. Cordelia gets a flash of everything her husband did while he was away.

Next morning day the girls (Nan and Zoe) are burning bodies on a bonfire. Zoe ask Nan about the hottie (Luke). Nan says he is asleep in her bed. Zoe tells,her he can’t stay. Fiona disagrees and says he can, she can’t bear the thought of sending him back to his holy roller of a mother in his condition. Nan thanks her and runs off. Fiona thanks Zoe for going all Zena warrior princess the night before and tells her to head inside. LaLaurie comes out and expresses her sadness and guilt and anger at what a shitty mom she was to her girls. Fiona tells her she can relate. LaLaurie tells her maybe one that they have something in common maybe they can get along a s friends. Fiona shoots that idea down when she points out LaLauire is nothing more than the maid.

The Council shows up and hems and haws over every little thing that has gone wrong since she has gotten there. It’s a lot. They want her to step down. Fiona is not having that and then in what is a sheer stroke of genius she not only blames but has proof that Myrtle is behind some of the doings. Myrtles hand is even red as if it was burned by the acid she supposedly threw on Cordelia. Not to mention the hotel she was actually staying at for weeks. The council buys it and sentences her to death by fire. Myrtle accepts her fate. She tells Fiona to,go ahead and burn her. Fiona is like I can do that.

Fiona takes the girls on a field trip to watch Myrtle burn. They cover her in a gallon or two of gasoline. Fiona throws her cigarette on her and she goes up in flames, screaming all the way. Zoe is completely freaked out by it.

Fiona is popping the pills from one of her stolen bottles. Queenie ask her if she helped her frame a innocent woman or a guilty one. Apparently Queenie used her voodoo doll self to make Myrtles hand red. Queenie is freaking out. She tells Fiona she doesn’t think she can live with it. Fiona cons her and tells her she could end up being the next Supreme. Queenie is so gullible she buys it and Fiona pretty much has a new whipping girl.

Spalding is up in his room dressed in his finest dress spraying febreeze everywhere. He opens a trunk to take Madison out. But she is pretty stiff at this point and her arm comes right off. He jumps back in shock and drops it.

Misty comes across Myrtle’s dead roasted toasted and burnt to a crisp body. She walks over to her, puts her hands on her face, and closes her eyes. Myrtle’s eyes open.

The End!

If you want a sneak peek video & synopsis of next week’s episode, “The Axeman Cometh” check out the preview of episode 6 below!

“Zoe, Queenie, and Nan make contact with a dark spirit trapped in the Academy. Cordelia’s new power brings on a heartbreaking revelation.”