Jennifer Aniston Needs To Know Her Boobs Are Past Their Shelf Life

Jennifer Aniston Needs to Know Her Boobs Are Past Their Shelf Life

A recent photo of Jennifer Aniston out with her smug hubby-to-be Justin Theroux reveals that home girl is in need of some support in the breasty region. While I admit her body looks fit for a woman her age, the law of gravity is unbreakable. While living on nicotine and yoga may keep her thighs thin, they don’t do anything to keep boobies perky!

Her black, cut-to-the-navel Tom Ford gown drew many raves about her “curves” all I could see was that her breasts looked less than perky and too low for her to be out and about without a bra. Head on they looked low, but curvy – but from the side, they looked more pancake than perky.

Another shot of her beside Salma Hayek – a woman of like age with Aniston – showed Salma looking resplendent and curvaceous and obviously wearing proper undergarments to keep her attributes on an admirable level.

Salma’s even spawned a baby and used her mammary glands for their intended purpose and still manages to look miles perkier than Jen’s sad saggies. I’ll share these words of wisdom: If your boobs hang down to here, you need a brassiere!

On the set of “We’re the Millers” – which I’m sure will be as big a flop as most of Aniston’s movies  and her boobs in that Tom Ford number – she looks nipple-icious, but she’s obviously wearing a bra. Which – and she should know this – a woman her age needs to do anytime she’s out and about.

I’m not sure if Aniston knows this but she’s 43, not 23 and her boobs – whether she likes it or not – are middle aged and need some serious support. It’s charity work at this point for magazines and blogs to tout that her tits are looking good, but sadly, it’s just not true.

Perhaps she’s been giving the milk away for so long to Justin Theroux, John Mayer, Vince Vaughn, et al that her décolletage is finally paying the price. Or maybe too many hours in downward facing dog have just stretched those puppies out. All I know is that she needs to put a bra on so writers don’t have to pretend she’s agelessly hot.

Jen – Isaac Newton called and your apples are headed south just like every other woman your age. Preserve your dignity and my eyes – head to Agent Provocateur and pick yourself up some proper undergarments. If you keep flopping those things out sans support, you’re going to be tucking them into your belt before long!

Jennifer Aniston Needs To Know Her Boobs Are Past Their Shelf Life

Photos: Splash and FameFlynet

12 responses to “Jennifer Aniston Needs To Know Her Boobs Are Past Their Shelf Life”

  1. Marci says:

    This article is foul and disgusting. “Giving the milk away for free.” Really? Did you just call a woman a cow because she isn’t living up to your standards of beauty? You should be ashamed to be a woman.

  2. drsanto says:

    You people (celebrity commentats) are SO SHALLOW!
    There is nothing wrong with Jennifer Aniston’s body and nitpicking at her (and others like her) are probably what drive most of them to have unnecessary surgeries and procedures. You really should get your own lives and leave them alone….


    • Tinka says:

      Then don’t read these things. Personally I don’t have anything against Jennifer, or her body, but sagging boobs in a revealing dress really isn’t pretty, so why lie about it? Besides, breasts need support.

  3. […] Celeb Dirty Laundry sister Rachel Rowan wrote a brilliant article about the future Mrs. Theroux’s middle aged tid bits.  Jen can’t distract her critics […]

  4. Agree says:

    100% agree. As much as I like Aniston she should know the borders

  5. iss says:

    wow! is there such thing as boobs past its shelf life? its indeed sad because the title of this article itself indicates how much you hate jennifer…i do not see anything wrong with her revealing dress because she look gorgeous in it and she’s comfortable.

  6. iss says:

    you seem to hate jennifer much

  7. iss says:

    is my comment not moderate or you also hate my comment?

    • celebdirtylaundry says:

      We post every comment whether it is good or bad. The only thing we do not approved are comments with profanity. Everyone has the right to their opinion!

      • Momad says:

        You won’t allow profanity but you’ll post articles that blatantly shame women for their dating life (“giving away the milk for free”) and their age? I think I’d rather a website that allows profanity but uses skilled writers (who don’t use cheap insults to gain attention) to tackle real issues with class. Funny what some people deem offensive.

  8. allie says:

    Who says they are past shelf life,doesnt lookthat way to me. She has never had children yet. She has a beautiful body including her breasts.

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