Zayn Malik Quits One Direction: Harry Styles, Liam Payne, Louis Tomlinson, Niall Horan Mourn His Departure – Leaves 1D Broken!

Zayn Malik Quits One Direction: Harry Styles, Liam Payne, Louis Tomlinson, Niall Horan Mourn His Departure - Leaves 1D Broken!

The Large Hadron Collider (LHC) might find parallel universes in baby black holes this month, but no-one cares because Zayn Malik decided to quit One Direction. The biggest boy band in human existence exploded like Kirstie Alley in a decompressed spacesuit. Millions of fans took to Twitter and cried and screamed and #WhyOhGodWhy. Zayn and his fiancée, Perrie Edwards of Little Mix, have been referred to as the John Lennon and Yoko Ono of our generation. I take offense to that statement because, you know, John Lennon.

I wouldn’t label myself as a “fan” per se, but I do have a sentimental connection to the group. I experienced a personal tragedy during their formation on The X-Factor UK, so I understand the Strindberg-esque outpouring of grief. Zayn’s departure is in some ways analogous to life.

But this is the music industry; there’s no time for sad goodbyes. Zayn caused irreparable damage to One Direction. The Guardian’s Brad Nelson sums it up perfectly: “The remaining members of One Direction have only performed a few concerts without Malik, so it’s hard to determine if his subtraction from the group creates an imbalance in the harmonic attack. But he leaves a void of personality, a void of vocal agility. Without him the group loses some of its distinctiveness and slowly morphs into four goofy white guys shouting.”

An exclusive insider revealed, “Zayn threw a couple of tantrums, yes. He couldn’t handle the in-fighting anymore. The guys held an emergency meeting and decided to let Zayn go. It was a difficult decision, but they didn’t have a choice. Zayn hated being in the group. People had screaming matches.”

Zayn is a unicorn in a parallel universe. Unicorns are awesome because they love rainbows and kittens and music. Oh, and unicorns don’t abandon their unicorn friends.

Let us know your thoughts in the comments below.

Image credit to FameFlynet

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