Honey Boo Boo (also known as Alana Thompson) has taken the United States by storm after getting her own TLC show called “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo”. The little 6-year-old achieved fame by being a massive personality on the controversial Toddlers & Tiaras. She is a beauty queen, and a famous one at that, but Honey Boo Boo doesn’t just relish being in her bed of fame alone, because she has an extra special friend called Glitzy. In the interest of all things sane, we ask PETA and all other animal rights organizations to look away right now, because this story might be a bit too much for the animal loving folk among us.
Glitzy is a pet pig. Yes, you heard that right, a tiny, innocent little pig. And no, we are not calling Honey Boo Boo, ‘Pig!’ We doubt Glitzy ever feels like the third wheel when it comes to June Shannon (Honey Boo Boo’s mom), because as they say, a pig always knows another pig a mile away. In the video clip of the upcoming episode, honky tonk music and a shot of “Kountry Stoe” (should it be saying ‘Country Store’?) shows Honey Boo Boo carrying a squealing little pig. Glitzy rolls on her side as Honey Boo Boo says in her best drawl, “Glitzy, we gon’ be the prettiest girls at the pageant, and there’s no way we can’t win because I got me a pig. How about that?” Glitzy seems to understand Honey Boo Boo’s mumbling, even though the kid talks in a nonsensical manner.
The scene changes to Honey Boo Boo talking to the camera, mocking an airhead and saying words which wouldn’t even make sense to the Sumerians. June Shannon, in all her horrifying glory says, “I think it’s cute to see Glitzy and her play together.” Do you hear that Clarice? Do you hear the silence of the pigs?
Glitzy woke June up at dawn and she not-so-clearly voiced her opinion about losing sleep for a piglet, “Hello, I’m asleep. I ain’t got time to feed you’re a**!” We trust June with neither Glitzy, nor Honey Boo Boo. We never have. The fame whoring mother of Honey Boo Boo is also called the “Coupon Queen” and describes couponing as “even better than sex”. Would y’all trust a couponin’ charlatan who sold out her daughter for a sweet piece of fame in a Key Lime pie? However terrible our slang might be, nothing comes close to the horrors our consciousness has to experience on a weekly basis with these people.
Y’all know Glitzy gon’ be as lucky as a blind man crossing a street with June Shannon, who is greasier than fried lard, so hang on to your hats, pray to the gods of fame and hope that poor Glitzy survives the next few weeks. We know Honey Boo Boo will not just haunt our nightmares tonight…
Let us know in the comments below your Honey Boo Boo experiences. Do you think it is trash television or a form of social commentary?